the february of my discontent

suffice to say- it has been a rough february thus far. not all stress is bad and there has been both- personally and on the world scene. and i have not been all that chatty. it has been increasingly difficult for me to find anything at all to say to anyone and i have hunkered down instead hoping to somehow get myself back on track. two weeks in and i have not been entirely successful.

so, today i began to think about disconnect- how i long for it and how easy it seems to do for most other folks in america's modern culture. i haven't quite caught on as to how to go about it- the disconnecting from reality and life. most of us have no idea where our food comes from- for many it comes already prepared from a restaurant and may as well simply appear out of the ether. most americans don't have any idea that our meat comes from supersized agri-farms or ocean pens that pollute the water and shorelines or that the main source of our fruits and veggies these days is central and south america.

many folks don't realize that we are transitioning to unmanned drones operated by a soldier half a world away who can drop bombs destroying an entire village and be home in time for dinner with no thought as to the repercussions of his joystick and red buttons. so much like a video game.

i suppose what really got me to thinking about our disconnect with the real world is death and dying. i know, i know, i am hopelessly morbid but as i get older, the impending demise of my parents and my husband's parents looms closer. plus, one of my blog buddies recently lost his mom and the blogosphere lost bro tim two weeks ago. it hits home quickly. there was a time when folks could process all of this in real time- families attended the bodies and laid folks to rest. now, it's almost like they haven't even lived- let alone died. we make a phone call and our loved one is whisked away to a funeral home to be dolled up for the after life and placed in a casket lined with silk like they are sleeping. they are whisked away to be cremated or buried and that's it- better hope you don't need more than 3 days leave from work 'cause that's usually all you get and it's back to the 'normal' routine.

it is weirder online and in the entertainment biz- take heath ledger for example, he is forever young on the big screen and it's almost like you can reach through the screen and those moments are still there. when i go into facebook, or over to blog of revelation, there's bro tim's smiling face looking back at me- and his words are still there frozen in time. i could very easily pretend he is simply on vacation.

i don't know whether technology is a help or a hindrance in human development but i do know that we, as a species, globally, are at a crossroads. our love for the here and now and for bigger and better- and cutting edge technology- cannot continue unabated. we have to begin to put some thought into our future and not just live here and now. while i don't believe we should cling to the past, ala conservatism, i do think that there is something to be said about learning from it. we need to reconnect to the basics- people, nature, life. or there won't be any left.....

winter thoughts

there's a fresh blanket of snow on the ground here in upstate new york- and there isn't much traffic so there's that calm quiet that pervades after a storm. except we didn't have a storm :) i couldn't tell you much that has been going on in the world at large these days- i have checked out. but i have been fighting an inner battle with myself. isn't it funny that life can be good and yet we still have inner conflict.

is that the very core of humanity? conflict?

i am actually fighting to keep my head above water as i attempt to process life as it unfolds- aging; parental ill health; job market; global climate change and the chaos it well may bring, etc.,- and i keep reminding myself that change happens. conflict and change- two things that humans have at their core. i don't particularly like either and with the january gray it's tough to keep positive. hence, my news blackout.

i think it's important to write about where we are in addition to what we are for and against. but, i suppose for that to have meaning, we have to know who we are and what we're for and against to begin with. therein lies the rub..... :) i don't harbor illusions about humanity as a whole- human nature doesn't lend itself to overall positive outcomes. individuals continue to surprise me with the third "c" of humans-- courage in the face of adversity.

in spite of myself, i still have that lingering feeling of hope :)

new year, new decade- new outlook?

as this year winds down, i find myself wondering about human relationships. we read daily about this group or another killing each other over differences or greed and we wring our hands and tell each other- 'if only they could see how much they have in common- they would get along.' very true- but we who live in relative peace fail to do the same. we don't 'agree to disagree' anymore and we refuse to see the other side on principle.

besides that, the holiday season is an excuse to get together with friends and family- and for some reason, we have decided it's a good idea to force camaraderie once a year. that wasn't really what got me thinking- many folks have passed or are ill this season in my piece of the universe. my husband got a call from good friends whom he hasn't spoken to in a few months- their parent passed the day after cmas of a heart attack. it struck him that he hadn't made the effort to communicate and neither did they and it took a traumatic experience to bring them around.

if we won't make treasured friends and family a priority in our daily lives, how can we expect there to be peace on earth in a bigger sense? if the relationships we cherish are so taken for granted, how can we expect our ideals not to be? we have seen our civil liberties eroded like our interpersonal relationships- and neither seem to phase us.

the song that always gets stuck in my head at this time of year- and it is a bit trite and annoying- 'let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me'- actually resonates with meaning when i look at the bigger picture. and i find that i am less tolerant of lame excuses of money or distance or busy lives as excuses not to keep a connection with loved ones. priorities in life should be in perspective- and all the excuses in the world can't make up for the life of someone who is forever gone.

something to think about in the new year...

winter solstice doldrums

i don't know where we are headed- no one does- but i find myself wondering if any of our ancestors stood on the cusp of their future and looked at their present with such depression. don't you feel it in the air- that air of what i feel is exhaustion? you have folks who fought against- or simply lived during- the last 8 years of terror and fear and now, the last year of disappointment and constant negativity. no wonder this isn't a merry season for so many. you won't hear it in the msm- but there is so much loss here in america, i really believe most adults are trudging into the holiday season with dread rather than joy. many have lost their jobs, homes, or integrity to keep the other two; many families are battling bankruptcy or medical issues or have a loved one who isn't here- perhaps in the armed services, or have passed away- or divorce.

why do we have to take our misery out on each other? i talk to people all of the time who work with folks who are so unhappy, they make the work environment hostile to others. no one dares quit as they need the job. folks rip each other apart because of skin color, sexual preference, religion, or political viewpoints. really? we really aren't the united states of america anymore and haven't been for some time- i guess we are simply americans- as are the canadians, folks in iceland- and all of south america. we have about as much in common.

i'll be honest, i won't reconcile my feelings for folks who are mean spirited, miserable, and shortsighted- which pretty much encompasses 3/4 of the folks who call themselves americans. the self centeredness of the culture has caused me to withdraw. i have a feeling that the burned out exhausted folks wish they could too.

i find myself increasingly with little to say. i learned long ago that folks don't want to hear the truth if it interferes with their lifestyle. i doubt that has changed. everything i write- i have written on many occasions over the last 4 years or so that i have blogged. i genuinely hoped people would change with a regime change- not obama or the congress but everyday people--- and of course, they haven't. the war on christmas has been stoked up yet again and we still are hearing the same right wing slant to everything. hard to stay positive with a steady dose of negative.

there is some hope- the obama admin has done many positive things quietly- as the msm doesn't cover much positive about our first family. there have been disappointments for sure- but it certainly doesn't compare with the previous lawless 8 years. we really should be focusing our attention where it really, really counts- local, state and congressional candidates. we can make a difference on a smaller scale. and really, the only reality we can change is our own.

the way we are and were

ever wonder what happened to that old high school chum? or a college sweetheart who broke your heart? well, it's one stop shopping at facebook. with a click of the mouse and a few keystrokes, you may be able to 'friend' that person online. of course, you should probably be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. my thought is- if the relationship was lost, there must be a reason for it and that reason hasn't gone away in the 20+ years intervening.

human nature is funny though- we create memories in our minds of how these people are. we nurture these thoughts until they become the reality instead of the reality. and, for some reason, we long to collect these memories and people like coins in a book. we don't really want them to actively be part of our lives- we just want them near. or so i surmise. :)

the age of global instant gratification is here and for better or worse- it is easy to find folks who want to be found. we can 'friend' those chums and exes and maintain that bittersweet link to the past and we can 'poke' them and 'tweet' them and try to make them think that our lives are so important and exciting compared to theirs. facebook is like a giant class reunion without paying. yet..... i don't know if it's a good thing or not. i am attempting to reconcile the fact that when i looked at those 'friend' pages, very few things had changed about those folks- except appearance. the same quirks that irritated me 20 years ago- triggered me off this go 'round. and i found out that human nature's curiousity often stops at the 'friend' button. no emails to follow up or chatting to catch up on old times- just 'hey, i found you isn't that great?'

it leaves me with more questions than answers about the future of human communication but i am convinced that lost relationships are better off memories.

far from mainstream

there are times when i venture out and look to see what is going on in mainstream america- and i have to venture out because as much as i hate to admit it- i am not mainstream ;) my whole life has been spent on the outside looking in- and, while i used to resent it, these days, i am grateful. not too long ago, i posted a question at my blog on 'when is enough enough?'

i wanted some reactions other than mine because i had a couple of families in mind when i posed the question. anyhoo, i was doing the happy homemaker thing today and was standing in line at the grocery store- and i impulse bought a copy of the most recent family circle magazine. i admit i am a sucker for holiday baking and the gingerbread men on the front were irrisistable :) not only did i get holiday decorating tips from martha stewart- but i happened upon an article on helicoptor parents and what a problem it is for everyone else. the article says that a recent university of tex-ass study found that 40%-60% of parents helicoptor- even into the 4th year of college.

give me a freakin' break. my friends parents didn't helicoptor and mine didn't- who are these parents anyway? oh- right. my inlaws and one of my friends. trust me when i say that my sisters-in-law are younger than me but are nearer to 30 than the other side. really? yep. still getting bailed out when there is a financial shortfall. guess it wouldn't do for them to not be able to take the kids to an amusement park or whatnot.

my friend has one married daughter and two in college who live at home. as far as i can see, her younger sister who is married with a child gets the same treatment as the other 3- my friend bridging the gap and enabling immature behavior. when do we grow up? when do we have to sink or swim on our own? is it because our culture worships youth that we delay maturity for as long as possible?

all i know is- my friend schleps the girls to and from work and school- because they don't drive. i asked her why it was that they weren't 1) walking 2) getting a bus pass or 3) getting rides with friends. the colleges are both 10 minutes from their house. didn't get a good answer.

so- i guess i wonder where this is all going to lead. any ideas? because, apparently, i am still on the outside looking in...

question of the day

when is enough truly enough?

now, that can be taken several ways- but here's where my mind has been going- when is helping others crossing the line into enabling? when do you overstep and instead of building character- you build dependence? i know more than a few families who have a setup this way- helping out the kids even when they are grown with families of their own. i have heard from the lips of a couple of people- 'it isn't the little kids fault and i don't want them to suffer'- um, yes, but that's the life their parents chose for them- and you stepping in and breaching the gap isn't really helping anyone. food, water, shelter, clothing? how much should people give to others- and what constitutes true need?

i was thinking of abandoning blogging because i just don't have politics in me anymore. it doesn't matter to me anymore- but there's something about human nature that nags at me and puzzles me. the one question 'why?' has nagged at me for years and was the biggest reason i went into the business of psychology. biggest reason i got out too because damned if i ever figured it out. you put your hand in fire and get burned- why do you keep putting your hand in the fire? are there really that many masochists in our culture?

oops- that was more than one question :) any answers?